When you’re upset, cry your heart out, and then will come a point when your tears dry up and you can’t cry anymore. Nothing will affect you anymore. That’s the point; your weakness will equal your strength, and from that point you can only grow stronger; so never stop yourself from crying out loud. :’)
In moments of pain, where your every dream breaks, situations turn worse, heart shatters with every breath, and tears flow endlessly, while you are typing ‘I am good’ or ‘I am happy for you’ , it hurts. It hurts too much.
Finally when you lay aside the phone, sobs escape your mouth. You try to be quiet while all you want is to shout out to the world how unfair it is to let this happen to you.
You pray for sleep to envelop you, as tears don’t seem to stop. As you keep replaying memories which sting your heart more and more, tears flow and in a while, you are in a cocoon of sleep.
As the next morning comes, you think, “Shit! Why did I cry? I should be strong. It is not a big deal to get your heart broken, and not that bad to have dreams and hopes crumble. I cannot be weak. I am strong. Be happy facade. Yeah! ”
And there you are! Smiling.
You proudly caress scar on the warrior’s body as no pain can defeat you.
This is why you believe in the comfort loneliness brings, because then these heartbreaks don’t leave you weak and begging for attention.
You are strong. You are brave . You are amazing. You are full of love ,still.
She could sense his grip loosening and gradually, he let go of her hand. Her stomach churned as she looked down at her abandoned hand. She was afraid of losing him; though she never really had him.
She took a quick glance at his expressionless face, and inhaled deeply. Her pursed lips, attention demanding eyes, devoid of their shine, clearly depicted her despair. Perhaps he was unable to confer.
Silence engulfed the aura. They wanted to speak out, nevertheless none of them could muster enough words. They shared a blank look, and in no time he turned away indifferently.
Apparently, he deprecated their persistent attachment.She had just been left by someone, who she thought would stay beside her forever. She was afraid of loving again. Besides, she was uncertain if she could ever love again. She was special; she had always been by his side, even during the worst phases of his life. Hurting her would have been the last sin he’d want to commit.
“I don’t want you to fall in love with a person like me,” he said.
“I won’t. Why do you worry?”
“Because, I care.”
“Why do you have to care for everyone?”
“Not everyone, just you.”
“Why do you care for me?” she asked.
He certainly had no answer to that.
They strolled for an hour more, yet none of them could initiate another session of talk.
She was trying hard to resist herself since she knew he would never love her, the way she craved. Thus, she struggled to suppress what she actually felt. Meanwhile, he wondered if it’d be alright to move away from the nightmares of his sombre past, and be with the girl of his dreams; he could see her right in front of his eyes with a glint of love in her brooding eyes.
They were two blemished beings, trying to escape the clutter. Their respective souls were like different poles of a magnet, forever apart, yet always yearning for each other.
Beyond the ideals of reality, somehow, they were beginning to fall in love, if not drown.
“It is yet another beautiful night kissed by the half moon and wrapped up by the tiny stars, and I am out, yet again, cuddling with all your memories, holding on to them tight.
Every inch of this boulevard girl has a secret to tell, has a memory to share, memories that I made with you.
I don’t reveal my anything, anymore for you are not here to make memories with me.
But I will reveal one now;
I am holding on to each memory very tight. They seem to be slipping away, I am trying to hold onto them.
I go from morning to night avoiding you and your memories, I try and run away from them. I engulf myself with loads just to keep you at bay. But when the streets go empty, and i go broke – your memories catch me up.
The moonlight guides me to the streets where our paths once met. The wind smells of your memories. The streets diverge differently, just like our paths and I stand here where the moon light can’t find me, but your memories do.
Tonight, darling, let us make one more memory. A memory wherein all memories stop chasing me, they stop haunting me.
Tonight let me kiss the moon, let me breathe an air that does not smell you. Tonight, let me be whole again :’)
He looked at her one last time. The tears she held back. The robotic smile. Everything was crystal clear. She didn’t want him to leave.
“Take care,” he whispered.
I broke up.
“she was so happy and alive around you. Look at her, she’s always sad. Broken. Always scribbling notes about you.”
He gazed at her with a melancholic feeling in his heart.
I broke her, completely. Her trust in love. “Just let her know I am sorry. I never intended to break her. She will always be the ink to my imagination. Always be my first time.”
“I’ll let her know,” her friend said. “Just so you know, you did not break her. You destroyed. You’re were that powerful.”
When is it going to end?
How many more times, I’ll be here, sitting by my window like this? How many more nights of silent sobbing?
At the end of the day, I blame myself for all this mess. God knows, I am the mess. I am the crime and I am the punishment.
I want to be alone, all alone, all the time. But loneliness creeps up and runs it’s fingers through my hairs, sending shivers down my spine.
I want to scream, shout and writhe in agony. But I stay still. Let silent tears flow with clenched fists. Let my pillow know, what the world never has.
I hate being this way. I am sick of torturing myself with my thoughts. And above all, I am tired. Tired of letting the monsters feed on me and win. I hand them the trophy every time.
I am too fragile. And I have been broken down into pieces far too many times. And while my pieces lay there, unnoticed, they changed. Parts of me grew splinters, parts of me became double edged, like a dagger.
There were times when people got too close to me. And I didn’t have to lure them in. They stayed for a while, but they ran away, on their heels, as soon as they saw what they never wanted to sjee.
They walked out of my life without a word, for the darkness inside of me was too much for their pure hearts. They hoped to see a light in my eyes, and all that found was despair held by wounded knuckles.
So that’s just how it is. People leave. I don’t even want them to come in the first place. And I keep cursing the blink of an eye that makes the shooting star go away. I keep wishing, and forgetting.
I don’t hope for this pain to end. I know it won’t. My reasons today will change tomorrow, and I’ll live with new reasons to be miserable. All I wish for is to become invisible. Even to myself.
She has a duty in her college today. He is a participant in the competition. She has just seen him and she is mesmerized. She instantly gets a crush on him. He is out of her state though.
But wait, he’s not the same guy. He’s someone else. She forgets about the guy, she thinks she’s in love with. Now, he’s the one she’s going crazy for.
She realized that it was not love. She was again infatuated. She was with him because he pampered her a lot. He used to take her care like no one ever did. She was getting addicted to his caring.
Now, she’s attracted to the new fourth guy. She realizes that she never falls in love. She is happy with her crushes. She’ll never assume that she is in love. Because she just can’t fall in love even if she wants.
She’s a normal girl. But without any love story. :’)
She lay on her back, smoking a cigarette, looking at the circle of hope. The moon stared back at her, through the panel of her window.
Deep within, she felt, he can be won. Still. She must learn to love again. that’s all. 💝
We both exchanged goodbye. I could see him clearly, he looked back for the last bye. Deep in our heart we both knew that it was the last time we were seeing each other.
As the cab started I felt something heavy inside me..something suffocating me..something spinning in my heads..something crushing me. I felt like sitting on the floor as the gravitational force was effecting me 1000 times more than the other days. There was this strange urge of crying, I wanted to mourn & shout just like one does when a dear one of yours dies. I needed sympathy..someone consoling me..telling me to be strong, but this pain was mine, the fight needed to be done alone behind close doors under the pillows
We were in love,
We were happy together,
We were good,
It’s just that we weren’t fit to be with each other,
Destiny planned us to be together only to separate us
It’s been months still the wound is bleeding. They say loving someone is the best part of one’s life, I dare them to look at me and realise the best it did to me.
I am living but not alive,
I am smiling but not happy,
I am filled but not content,
I am on a journey without any destinations,
I am in pain but not crying.
Sometimes I look at the mirror only to find the stranger looking back at me, it makes me to realise the fact that I had lost myself in the journey to found you in my pain & sufferings.
There’s this girl I knew as a kid. “Life isn’t a bed of roses”, everyone had told her. But that it’s a path of thorns, nobody ever did.
Right from her childhood, the only friends she had were her books. They were almost inseparable. Perhaps, perhaps with the tiny bit of wisdom that she owned back then, she knew that she could not fit in, into this world. And thus, she never tried to. She was happy inside the realm that she had created for herself. The wall that she had built up around herself was too strong for anyone to break in. She felt protected inside her cosy abode. Or so she thought.
One fine day, she woke up and found a pillar gone. A part of her world had crumbled down into pieces, making way for feelings to enter. She felt insecure. She felt weak. She felt scared of trespassers inside her territory. But then, she realised, it wasn’t her territory anymore. So, in order to safeguard herself, she put on the canopy of pretence and continued to live her life.
A few weeks passed by. She was elated with the apparent turn of events. For the first time in her life, she perceived friendship staring at her in the face. She was overwhelmed to see friendship and she let her enter her tiny little world and turn it into a garden of joy. “Break down the wall,” her heart said, “let more folks come in.” So she listened to her heart and broke down the walls of her inhibitions. Attracted to her vulnerability, love came looking for her and she let him in. Or so she thought.
Feeling safe in the arms of her love, she felt that she no longer needed the cloak of deception. She wanted to be herself again. She had great faith in love and friendship and so she followed her gut. She shed it off but, oh! How ugly she looked without it! So much so, that both friendship and love held hands together and walked out on her. Now, she was left with an abandoned garden with feelings. The wall no longer existed and neither the canopy of pretence. She was left in desolation with her agonies. And a mind full of tormenting restlessness.
As she sat wondering what to do next, God decided to gift her a weapon that could help her defeat her woes. So He dropped near her some sheets of paper and a pen. Her nervous hands picked them up. Her silent musings screamed for liberation from the dark crevices of her soul. So she decided to give her brooding a direction, sans being verbose. And so she wrote!
When she started writing, her eyes flickered, her fingers shook. Often her scribbles got washed away by her own tears. She tried to swallow in her despondency at times and got charred by the inferno of her own dejection.
And finally a day came when she couldn’t take it any longer. She wanted vengeance. She decided to spit out all the venom that she had inside her, hidden away in some niche where no one could ever reach. She decided to etch her words, her words which bled pain, onto the minds of people. She wanted everyone else to reek of her afflictions. She wanted to take everyone else along with her into her grave from where escape was impossible. She wanted to reign in thoughts. And so she took the paper and the pen and started inscribing her memories with an unfaltering conviction of redemption from her own demolition. With every little destruction that life hurled at her, she decided to construct a fragment of herself that no one could ever obliterate.👧